New Kid Naruto Uzamaki
by Red Rabbits
Summary: Naruto's the new kid! Will he survive a crazy Ino and pshyco but wonderful Shino? Or will he be beaten down by Kiba's crazy sense of adventure and Sasuke's insane jealously of his chipperness and beingclosetoSakuraness?


**New Kid Naruto Uzamaki**

**I don't own _Naruto._**

**_These kids are in they're sophomore year at High School, whoo! _**

Naruto stood listlessly in the hallway of his new school. He was staring at the sign to the boys' bathroom. "I wonder if it's clean and sanitized…"

"INCOMING BUG ATTACK!" A random voice from the sidelines screamed as Naruto was pelted with onslaught after onslaught of insects, clouding through the hallways. "SHINO'S PMSING AGAIN! STEER CLEAR!"

Screams of terror filled the hallways as people dove into classrooms or out windows, chaos and panic ensuing. Just as the hallways were cleared; save for himself and two other people, Naruto shakingly stood to his feet and blanched.

"What…what has happened to me?" He felt like he was going to cry again.

"Whoo Shino! Whoo-hoo!" A strange looking kid with his spiky hair covered by a hood and markings on his face jumped up in down with a floppy eared dog, smiling goofily. "That PMSing-bugs-flying-through-the-hallway-attacking-everyone-in-sight-trick works every time! Like a charm!" Giving the thumbs up sign to a stoic looking figure just standing there, his eyes covered by sunglasses, he started to skip in a circle singing. "Kiba and Shino and Akamaru are awwessomeee. Kiba and Shino and Akamaru are aweeesommeee!"

"…" The stoic looking one Naruto took to be Shino just stood there then…**BOOM.** He was violently ran into by some crazy woman, his limp body sailing through the air and landing into a nearby locker, the door slamming shut.

"Oh she-et. I forgot about this part."

"KIBA YOU ASSHOLE YOU MADE ME MESS UP MY HAIR! I WILL **KILL YOU. YOU WILL DIE. DIE I SAY, DIIIIEEEE!" **

"Oh god not Ino…oh god no…"

"**AND YOU SHINO! PULLING THAT PMSING SHIT STUNT! I CAN'T BELIVE YOU EVEN AGREED TO THAT!" **A suddenly a very scary apparition appeared from the room labeled "_Girls"._

Naruto blanched, and he swore he could feel the blood draining from his face to his toes. Suddenly finding his feet very interesting, he began to whistle innocently.

"B-but Ino…please…NOOO!" Naruto watched as Kiba sailed through the air, his own limp body landing face first in a trash can.

"**WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT FOX FACE!" **The blond death machine screamed at him, and suddenly Naruto found himself sailing through the air into the same trash can Kiba was currently occupying.

"Hey there, I'm Kiba!"

"…"

"So you do that stunt _every single week?"_ Naruto grimaced, chewing on his peanut butter and banana sandwich. Currently he was sitting at a table with Shino across from him, Kiba to his left, some really fat kid with man boobs named Chouji to his right, a really creepy looking kid with bushy eyebrows and a way 80s bowl-cut hairstyle next to Shino on his right, named Lee, a really cute pink haired girl named Sakura to Shino's left, and a blushing girl who looked like she should go on Dr. Phil for some self esteem, named Hinata next to Sakura and across from a girl with two messy buns named TenTen. Next to Lee was a sleeping kid with way spiky hair and a man-earring in his left ear.

"**GAY!"** Naruto suddenly screeched, causing the sleeping kid to rouse and glare at him.

"**THE PIERCING WOMAN NEVER FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL!"**

Then, this table, apparently, was the table for the less popular kids.

"Yup!" Kiba grinned, stuffing his and his dogs face with dog treats and ignoring Naruto's outburst.

"They're true idiots, but I think you've already guessed it," Sakura commented, causing TenTen to snicker and Hinata to cover her mouth with her hand.

"Are you kidding me! THEY'RE GENIUS!" Naruto cried, suddenly throwing his arms around Kiba. "This is beautiful, count me in guys! _'PMSING SHINO AND RABID, PREGNANT NARUTO WITH KIBA METOPAUSING!' _Whoo!"

"…!"

"YES! WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A NEW BUDDY!" Hyper cuddling Naruto back, they both started jumping up and down with Shino swaying happily.

Sakura slapped her head and just sighed along with TenTen while Hinata giggled nervously.

"She's so obviously crushing on that Naruto kid," TenTen whispered into Sakura's ear as the bell rang, and Sakura nodded.

"You know, Sakura…" Kiba started as he caught up with his friend, Shino trailing on her other side.

"Yeah, Kiba?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. Once upon a time Sakura was afraid and mortified to be seen with Shino and Kiba, two of her most frequent friends now, but that all changed that one moment in the 8th grade when Shino had kissed her smack on the lips.

Since then she had been labeled a loser along with the rest of them. And since then, she and Kiba and Shino and TenTen and Hinata and Shikamaru and Chouji and everyone else had become…well…close friends.

"SHINO'S IN LOVE WITH YOU!" Kiba screamed as he body slammed Shino, causing him to stumble and attach onto Sakura's back, and then ran away screeching like a pregnant banshee.

"…!"

"**_KIIIBAAAA!" _**Sakura screamed as Shino clung to her for dear life; Sakura was chasing after Kiba with a pencil raised in her hand. "**_I'M LUCKY INO DIDN'T KILL YOU, 'CAUSE I'M GONNA DO IT FOR HER!" _**

**_"_**MERRCCC-" Kiba suddenly found himself and Akamaru stuffed into the knothole of a large oak tree once Sakura had caught up to him. "Why hello there Mister Squir- OH MY GOD IT HAS RABIES!"

Chortling in satisfaction, Sakura finally allowed Shino to climb off her back. He was still shaking from terror, and he could have sworn he peed his pants a little.

"Sorry Shino, but Kiba had to get payback for that."

Shino nodded shakily, still standing dazed. The students who had gathered to watch began to mill around again, the freshmen edging away as fast as they could.

"That pink haired one's scary and weird…"

"So is that dog one…"

Patting Shino on the arm, she quickly turned around and began to walk away, whistling cheerily. Halfway across the yard her sharp eyes zeroed in on her prey.

Sasuke Uchiha, the bad assest of bad asses.

"Hi there my name's Naruto I'm new here this school is really cool already I've made a bajillion friends they're really cool really really cool and so is Kiba and Shino and I got thrown into a trash can earlier by this really scary girl named Ino but then there's this one girl named Sakura she's really pretty I really like her-" Naruto was cut of my the suddenly curious look from the boy Naruto was talking too, some weirdly cold guy named Sasuke.

"Sakura Haruno?" He suddenly asked, and Naruto shook his head in annoying hyper ness.

"Yupyupyupyup. I just had some soda and Sakura's hair is so pretty and she has the nicest eyes I really like her she's so cool-"

"…" Sasuke continued to glare at the annoyingly bright and chipper pest.

_'Chipper…Chipper…'_ The word echoed in Sasuke's mind. He desperately tried to rid himself of it without seeming noticeable.

"Naruto!" Suddenly, a second bright and chipper voice pierced Sasuke's thoughts, this time feminine.

"WILL YOU STOP BEING SO DAMN CHIPPER?" He suddenly screamed, tearing his shirt off of his chest, sweat glistening oh so prettily along his abs, right down past his navel into his-

"…Hiii, Naruto…uh, how's it goooing?" Sakura said nervously, edging slowly away from the sweaty and hot Sasuke.

"NO SAKURA, YOU'RE PRETTY VIRGIN EYES!" Naruto screamed, flinging himself onto Sakura, covering her face with his body. "DON'T LOOK AT HIM AND HIS SINFUL BODY!"

Sasuke just stared as Naruto started to wriggle over Sakura who was pushing him off and shoving grass up his nose, steadily becoming angrier. Before he could stop himself, he flung himself onto Naruto and picked him up by his spiky hair, shoving his fist into his face.

"Damn chipper foxy kid! YOU WILL DIE!" Sasuke screamed, pounding Naruto's face repeatedly into a tree as he feebly kicked out in pathetic, pussy boy retaliation.

"MAN FIGHT!" Kiba screamed out loud, his body covered in deep scratch marks and foam flecks dotting his face. "AND NARUTO'S CRYING AND BEING A PUSS BOY!"

Naruto was indeed crying; but not because of the unbearable pain he was going through, but because of his beautiful hair.

"MY HAIR!" Naruto screamed; sobbing into his hands as Neiji tackled him to the ground. Yes, Neiji had joined Sasuke in his reign of terror over Naruto after Naruto accidentally gave him a wedgie in the hallway, thinking he was the principal.

He. Would. PAY.

"DIE NARUTO DIE! MUHAHAH!" Neiji's laugh sent tremors of terror over Sakura as she slowly edged away towards Shino, Kiba, Chouji, and Shikamaru.

"I'm scared you guys."

Shikamaru nodded as he stole a chip out of Chouji's bag, slowly bringing it up to his mouth, his eyes unblinking.

"This is just totally killing my appetite, you guys," Chouji groaned as he continued to shove more chips into his mouth as Kiba stared.

"B-But…" Kiba began, before Shikamaru silenced him.

"You don't even want to ask." Kiba began to nod.

"…" Shino said, placing a comforting arm around Sakura's shoulders.

"**GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF SAKURA!"** Naruto and Sasuke suddenly screamed, both breaking away from Neiji and charging straight for Shino.

"…!" As Shino began to run, Lee suddenly began to skip across Naruto's and Sasuke's path, singing and twirling a daisy in his fingers.

"Skipping and picking flowers for my dear Gai, my Gai-man, the Gai-mister…la de da da da da daaa!" Lee was then mowed over by Naruto and Sasuke, his broken and oddly shaped limbs sticking in the air.

"MY FLOWER!"

Gaara was currently staring off into space when a running boy with sunglasses over his eyes ran into his line of vision, his mouth open in a silent scream of terror as a blond haired kid and Sasuke ran after him; their own screams that of rage and hate.

Running at a slower pace behind them was a pink haired girl desperately crying, "Don't hurt Shino you guys! He was just being niiiiiiceee!"

Gaara watched, amused, as the sunglassed boy was instantly tackled to the ground, only to rise up once again with slightly distorted sunglasses and a dazed look upon his face before lopsidedly twirling away. Another kid with a hood covering spiky brown hair began to twirl after him like a ballerina,

"Look at me; I'm a pretty pretty ballerina! Dance dance dance in my tutu and slippys!" Before actually being shoved into the knothole of an oak tree by the pink haired girl.

"Hey Mr. Squirrel its m- OH MY GOD YOU STILL HAVE RABIES!"

"I hate this place," Gaara murmured to himself before trudging back into his school, not seeming to notice that the boy being chased by the rabid squirrel was coming straight towards him, screaming like a little girl;

"GAARA SAVEEE ME!"


End file.
